Shifting Gears

Hey there, everybody, glad to have you back. Apologies for last week, it was a rough one, and I was ready to collapse from exhaustion by the end of it. Literally – Friday afternoon I was having trouble holding it together and at one point just stared at my desk with my head in my hands, my head pounding, gut churning. Blame poor sleep. And this won’t be as long as my usual entry, either, as this week has been just as crazy and when I get home I just want to veg out, BUT I wasn’t about to leave this empty for another week, either. I am putting those days behind me.

And the events in the wider world have not helped. Not getting on the soapbox this week (I have Twitter and Facebook for that), but let’s just say I’m feeling particularly discouraged with where we’re headed. That’s all.-

Apologies if I repeat myself here, but I don’t have the time to go back and read my last complete post. I managed to power through a good portion of Elkmont last week, but also realized that it’s going to take some time to develop. I think there’s a kernel of something good there, but I’m going to have to reconfigure a lot in the outline drafting process. I’m not even through the treatment yet. It’s a more complex story than In the Pines or the other book that I’m working on, so I’m thinking of putting it on the backburner while I develop the next book. But we’ll get there. First, to talk about In the Pines.

I picked it up…well, TRIED to pick it up last Friday, but fate kind of intervened with too much work and exhaustion. So I let it sleep a few more days before getting back to it Monday. I think I’ve said before that the early chapters are pretty good as planned, so it’s just a matter of drafting. I was a little tentative going into the drafting portions, but it didn’t take long to get a feel for the characters and motivations and such. I’ve decided I’m not going to write this book in an entirely linear fashion, at least in the first draft; I am going to set a word quota for each chapter for each pass through, and pick bits and pieces of scenes to write the high-level draft. In other words, for one chapter I may write a portion of a confrontation in a gas station; for the next, I may write a quiet moment in the woods. What I’m trying to focus on is consistency of tone and theme between those portions that I write. There may be something important that comes up in that gas station confrontation that then comes back into play in the woods; rather than force myself to go back and remember what I was thinking, the idea is to follow the thread through the chapters. That can better inform the characters’ emotions and feelings, I think. I don’t know, it’s an experiment, but it feels better than my previous process so far.

I’m about six chapters in (out of seventeen), and the vast majority of what’s left will be revising the plot outline material. But I’ll also be writing little snippets of dialogue and narrative here and there so I have a thread to revisit during the next phase. Eventually I want to “kick away” the outline portions and leave just the narrative in place. I’ll post some examples of that when I get to that stage.

So moving on to the next bit: the Hauntworld sequel, which will not be known as such. I’m envisioning more of a series, with Zoe (this name seems to be sticking) at the center of the series and her mentor, Kevin Rook, working for her. Some things have changed since I wrote about this two weeks; Zoe is now multi-racial, the daughter of a white English seer who worked with Rook on the Imago case back in the late 90s (though Rook doesn’t know this until halfway through the interview) and a South African woman who serves as an ambassador to England. It’s introduced some great dynamics between Rook and Zoe, who have, in my opinion, fantastic chemistry and are a blast to write. And no, there’s not going to be any creepy relationship stuff between the two of them, nor is there any paternalistic factor to it, as Zoe’s father is quite alive and influential in her life. It’s a great opportunity to explore a pure mentorship relationship. They’re oil and water on social issues, but they develop a respect for one another as the story evolves. I’m having a lot of fun writing them and definitely see potential for that long-term series. I already have ideas for two more cases for Zoe to tackle after the first book, so at least a trilogy, but who knows how far it could go. The goal is to make the stories light-hearted and breezy, but with horror and supernatural elements. I really think it’s going to leapfrog Elkmont as the next book after In the Pines.

So that’s my report for this week. No really exciting photos to share at the moment, as I just don’t have the time for that; told you there’d be a sacrifice somewhere, and that’s going to have to be it. See you next week.

Dark Thanksgiving

Welcome back, dear reader, and first I’d like to say Happy Thanksgiving to those of you in the US who celebrate it. I have mixed feelings about the origins of the holiday, especially where it relates to colonial ties and what it represents for indigenous people, but I do like the idea of a time of year where people are prompted to reflect on what they have and understand that happiness is sometimes about what you have in hand, and not in the endless pursuit of something “more”. Gratitude is something that I practice daily for the sake of my own sanity, but anything that encourages more of it is a good thing, I think. Shame for the poor turkeys, but hey I’m an omnivore so I suppose I can’t say too much there.

That said, what a dark week it has been thus far. Warning: going to get up on my soap box a little here. Sorry if you don’t agree, but I also think that an artist’s political views are part and parcel of their output, whether it’s explicit in the works or not (and I prefer not to be overt in my fiction). Full confession, I am a “left leaning moonbat” who believes in equality of opportunity for all and the social contract – that we all benefit from our society and thus owe it to others to take care of them, beyond it just being the right thing to do. Don’t worry, it’s not going to become part of the weekly update or anything, I’m not trying to start a political blog here. This is still mostly about writing. I just can’t ignore what’s going on.

I have a dark history where it comes to sexual abuse, having been on the receiving end more than once, and so the past few weeks, or hell, is it a month now, have been difficult at best. The Roy Moore thing, though…that’s been a real capper. To see people not only openly defending this predator but also state that it’s preferable to vote for him rather than someone who defended civil rights? Sad times for the United States. And of course Trump goes and tacitly endorses the guy for the purpose of destructive tax cuts, but then he’s already cut of similar cloth so I suppose that’s to be expected. Then we get Ajit Pai and the FCC promising to gut net neutrality at the same time that we’re opening a path to more media consolidation and one company controlling a vast majority of the media in this country (and it enrages me that any of this is political hay these days, once upon a time basic fairness was viewed as a natural American trait).

It’s a lot to take in when you’re supposed to be thinking of family, friends, and gratitude. Add in that I’m away from my family, truly far away, for Thanksgiving for the first time in ages, and I’m very reflective. The good news is that our own little family is still going strong, and we’re all celebrating together, even if two of us walk on four legs.

All right, enough of that. On to the usual stuff: writing! And what a lot there has been. First, I’m in the process of wrapping up the fourth version of the In the Pines outline. There will certainly be a fifth, as there are too many chapters that still need polish. A little disappointing, but I’d rather do it right the first time than rush and blah blah, you get the picture. Some of the chapters are very, very ready, though. It’s just going to be a matter of putting some meat on those bones. And I didn’t get any real curveballs during this part of the draft, so I think the fifth version should really wrap things up. I usually have some major revelations or changes to talk about here, but honestly it all kind of came together, and the one larger development is actually a huge spoiler that would ruin the ending, so I will remain quiet about that one.

Next week I return to the Elkmont story treatment and wrap up the third act. That’ll put me in a good place to break the story into an outline and really start massaging things. Just looking at where I’ve come since the story treatment for In the Pines I expect a lot of changes, all of them good. I’d like to have that finished before the 1st.

But in the meantime there’s something new on the horizon. I keep a list of story ideas in Google Keep, one that’s always growing and changing; for some time, I’ve thought that one or two of those ideas might be the one to follow Elkmont, but every now and then something comes out of seemingly nowhere to grab you. Back in 1998, I started on a little story that I called Hauntworld. All that really remains of it are the first two chapters, some fragments of character descriptions, and an old website, but something about the core of the idea has stuck with me all these years. The original was about a seasoned detective and his rookie partner who are investigating a series of murders and soon learn that the killer, who styles himself as “the Imago”, has origins in another world and kills via supernatural means. The original write-up is a little silly, but the story popped back up in my head the other morning, along with a “what if”: what if this was a private detective rather than a cop, and one that operated in a world where the paranormal was more of an open secret than something that he happens upon? And what if he were getting on in years and deciding to take on a partner that he would groom to take over the business? What if there were schools that taught people how to do this work, and in the process of interviewing, he somehow gets a top-notch candidate, but the one catch (for him – I think she’s a great character) is that she’s a young black woman, and he fears he can’t relate to her but covers it with bluster?

The dynamics could be very interesting, with him teaching her his investigative methods while she tries to bring him into that world’s version of the 21st century. All while chasing a relentless supernatural killer with inscrutable methods and motives – the Imago returned. It seems like a pretty damn good hook, and the foundation for a series where we end up following “Zoe”, as she’s currently known. I’m kind of thinking of the genre as Neo-Noir Horror, but there will definitely be some comedic elements as well. And I’m almost having to resist writing some of this already, as the ideas for scenes are flowing fast and furious. I want to make sure I have plenty of foundation laid for it, first, as there will be some twists and turns.

Anyway, this will be Hauntworld, for now, and it’s the third book in my queue. Expect me to talk about it more in the near future as I develop the idea.

All right, that said, time to wrap this thing up with the usual photography feature. Hope everyone has a great holiday, and I’ll see you next week.

My brother-in-law hit me with the black-and-white challenge on Facebook, so I accepted. Also dug out my bass for the first time since the move.

Say this for the Midwest: the sunsets are stunning. And this week in particular has shown colors I haven’t seen since childhood.

Saturday morning we went to The Shack in Chesterfield, MO. Great place for coffee and gluten-free options.

Warning: controversial contents.

After breakfast we roamed historic Route 66 and found Stsovall’s Grove Dance Hall and Saloon. The site dates back to the 1860s in one form or another, and the current place opened in the 1930s.

Yep, that sure is a horse out front.

Freezing cold Saturday night, so we got the fire place going.

See what I mean about these sunsets?

One last sunset picture. Couldn’t resist this one. Too ominous. And check out the colors in the clouds.

Last pic. Clear sign that the seasons are ready to turn that corner into winter. Get ready!

Hot Steaming Mess

Welcome back and whew, let me tell you. This week has been a practice in dreams meeting reality. Let me get the personal out of the way first: the weather has sucked, our cat may be sick, work is absolutely ball-bustingly busy, and the culture shock of moving halfway across the country has set in. That’s not even getting into the bug that’s been going around the office, which laid me low at the end of last week and ensured that I didn’t get back into In the Pines until Monday. What I’m saying is that your trusted narrator is currently a Hot Mess, but I am striving for better. Trying to get better at my job and at my writing. It’s an ongoing process.

Speaking of writing, let’s talk about it, shall we? Last week I stated an intention to kick off proper drafting of In the Pines on December 1st and I think I can still meet the spirit of that goal, but a review of the first seven chapters reveals at least two that will need a further outlining pass. The good news is that the other chapters are in really good shape and I think further outlining would be pointless – I need to drill down into the details of the scenes and really let them live and breathe to get to the next step. I’m already seriously loving the two main characters. There are echoes of Corridors of the Dead in this book, to be certain, but I think it’s different enough to be thematic.

Anyway, let me elaborate at boring length about how I envision the process going. There will be one more outlining pass, which will be the fifth draft of the outline, but in this version I will take the “narrative-ready” chapters and start breaking down descriptions of scenes into actual narration and dialogue. For example, going from something like this:

The “camera” pans to her mother, hopefully surprising the reader. Now we set the scene: smells, sights. A tidy table, everything in its right place. Her mother drinks coffee and reads from an iPad, but frowns and looks up. Of course she’s not okay, she says, her daughter got attacked the night before.

To something like this (and again, keep in mind that this is a first draft and will be further refined because yuck):

Though Morgan’s mother sat on the opposite side of their tiny dining room table, in their tiny breakfast nook, she seemed to be a million miles away. Morgan’s words died somewhere in the middle of the neatly-arranged wasteland of artificial sweetener packets, honey bears, and napkins.

After a long moment, Morgan spoke again. “I asked if you’re okay.”

“I heard you,” Wendy said, but her eyes seemed unable to leave her iPad. What would she be reading? Work emails? The Wall Street Journal? Family Circle?

“Then can you answer me? Kind of rude to just sit there…”

Wendy sighed and lowered her coffee cup. At last she lowered her reading glasses and stared across the table at her daughter. Morgan would normally welcome this gaze, but now she couldn’t help seeing her own eyes staring back at her.

“Of course I’m not okay,” Wendy said. “My daughter got attacked last night.”

So you can see how nuance develops; though it’s not mentioned in the outline or in her character description, we learn that Morgan’s mother, Wendy, is cold, prim, and proper, but also has a Martha Stewart side. This will play into a subplot that comes up later.

I can do this kind of elaboration for each of the “narrative-ready” chapters while simultaneously working the chapters that still need outline massaging. I don’t know what to call this phase of the process, exactly. It’s a hybrid approach, for sure, but I think it will help me keep the overall plot in mind while I work on those straggling chapters.

My goal at the moment, however, is to finish plot outline Version 4.0 and then take another week off to work on the third act of the Elkmont story treatment because that bad boy will go in a drawer until the first draft of Pines is finished. Still to be determined on how long that first draft might take.

So, roughly, my current take on the process is to keep switching off between stories; Elkmont story treatment followed by first draft of Pines followed by Elkmont outline version 1. At some indeterminate point I’ll start workshopping the next novel in this merry-go-round, as it’s already starting to take some shape in the basement of my subconscious. Going to be quite the ride to see how this all plays out.

Of course, wouldn’t be a blog entry without the photos. Not as much to go on this week because of illness and general Hot Mess status, but here’s what I have.

This is Broemmelsiek Park in St. Charles County. As you can see, the fall colors were quite choice. This is very late in the year to see this kind of color for an East Coaster.

We were drawn to Broemmelsiek Park for its astronomy center. Really need to go star-gazing there one night.

A moment that felt tailor-made for a shot.

The park has several ponds. This one was probably my favorite.

After our journey we went to the Fireside Bar and Grill in New Melle. They didn’t have a ton of gluten-free options, but I can heartily recommend the bacon-cheese dip. Just make sure you have someone to share it.

We also happened to find the home of the Addams family in New Melle. Talk about a highlight! Hope you have a great weekend and week.

When The Parts Don’t Line Up

Hey there, welcome back. It’s Thursday again and you know what that means. That’s right. Prepare yourself for thrills, chills, and literary spills as I try to figure out what the hell I’m doing. It’s all a process, though, right? Right.

These days I have my hands on my hips and am shaking my head at the damn weather. Summer seemed to last well through to the middle of October (with a few reprieves here and there), then we got a week of Autumn, and now it’s straight on to winter, with sub-freezing temperatures and a thick layer of frost a week after 70-degree temperatures. I’m told this is par for the course for St. Louis, that we experience wild swings in weather all the time to the point that it’s very unpredictable, to which I can only say ayyyyy. Oh well, I suppose we’ll get used to it sooner or later.

At least the writing continues to move forward. This was my week off from In the Pines, which meant Elkmont, Elkmont, and more Elkmont. I’m working my way through “act 2” of the story treatment and already hit a portion that was driving me crazy. To set the scene, one of the five podcasters/YouTube stars goes missing (abducted, as it turns out, but they don’t know this), and an argument ensues as the others realize that their stoner friend hasn’t just wandered off and may be in trouble. Night has settled in and there’s a certain danger (aside from anything supernatural) inherent in exploring an abandoned mining town with little more than a flashlight and night-vision camera. You know, things like collapsing structures and falling through holes in the ground and whatnot.

The ever-lovely “star” of the show flat-out refuses to explore, as he’s above all that. This leaves the three somewhat rational members of the team debating on how to handle things. All agree that they need to search for their friend and no one person can do it alone. Skip ahead a bit and the two female protagonists, currently known as Katie and Theresa, are exploring the burnt ruins of the rich side of town while the ever-dutiful Bill “Country” Simas watches over the arrogant star of the show, James.

And here’s where I ran into trouble. My original plan was to have the stoner character, currently known as TeeTee, be dragged to the town square by a hostile group and we don’t see the male characters again until Katie and Theresa return to camp to find a nasty surprise. But my brain locked up on me here, refused to move forward. As always, I realized that when this happens it means that this is not how the story is supposed to proceed. So I backed up and rethought the scene structure. Theresa and Katie still have their adventure, but they don’t make it back to camp right away. James and Country have a minor altercation before things turn for the worst for them, and the two parties get split up for the remainder of Act Two.

The end of Act Two, of course, is supposed to leave your characters in the darkest of places, so we’re building toward that. I can’t tell you what that looks like, exactly, as even I don’t know yet, but I do understand the forces that are at work in the town and have some faith that I’m back on track.

Of course, tomorrow I return to In the Pines and try to nail down the fourth (and hopefully final) version of the story outline. My goal is to start writing the real thing on 12/1 and power through that first draft, but we’ll see how the outlining goes. These things, as you know, rarely work out as planned. I just have to go with the flow.

On a personal note, had a rather quiet weekend, as I participated in Extra Life 2017 on Saturday for potentially the last time (just no interest from folks and no donations. My time could be better spent). On Sunday we headed out into the badlands of Central Missouri despite being under a tornado watch and…well, just check out some of the stuff we found. As always, you can see more at my dumb little Instagram account. See you next week.

The Insurance Company Spire of Doom.

Love the look of a cornfield in November. So…melancholy.

Found this at an abandoned power substation. Not ominous at all.

More of that abandoned substation. Neighbors were paranoid about me taking pictures, but eh.

AMERICA FUCK YEAH

Found this in a little dive bar in Chain of Rocks, MO that was about 99% nicotine particles. Didn’t have any quarters 🙁

Ripple

Hey hey, it’s Thursday again, and you know what that means – blog time. Still hanging in there, still writing, still enjoying the hell out of it, though I find myself in a bit of a “situation” with In the Pines. This is the same kind of situation that has plagued me in the past, but as I said in the past, at least this time it’s on the outline level and the fix is measured in days rather than months.

Here’s the situation: as planned, I picked up the outline again on Friday, with grand plans to hone it to Version 3 and from there take a hop, skip, and a jump to Version 4 and then the first draft of the actual novel. Things were chugging along rather well, with an adjustment here or there, until I hit the portion of the story where Morgan comes home to find that her once-vibrant-cum-sickly mother has “recovered” and turned into a sickly-sweet manic version of herself. I went forward with a taken on this chapter that featured Morgan and Rosa (who are now attached at the hip because of Morgan’s off-the-rails boyfriend) dealing with this crazy but ultimately well-meaning mother.

And it just felt flat, which is obviously not something you want from a scene that’s supposed to be filled with manic energy. I puzzled over the problem, how to fix the scene and such, and realized that it might not be “fixable” as such; the dynamic entirely changed with Rosa in tow and I was not about to remove Rosa from the scene.  So the scene itself had to change. But how? Again, I searched my thoughts. The scene needed more tension to keep it from falling flat. What if her mother wasn’t so well-meaning? What if the nature of her “change” was far more sinister and threatening? From there it wasn’t a long trip to one of the book’s underlying themes: sexual agency and confusion.

A horror mentor long ago told me that one of the most powerful emotional taps that we can touch when creating horror is the sexual side; it’s part of what’s made Stephen King so effective, even if he comes across as a crazy creeper in some instances. Horror is about eliciting a response, about touching on the reader’s emotions, and to be honest I feel like sexuality has been something that I’ve kept at arms’ length in my genre works (not the literary novel I’m writing though, that’s for sure). I don’t want to give away the turn here as it’s pivotal to the second act of the book, but I think I found an effective way to combine sexuality and terror. At first I recoiled from the idea, but shit, isn’t that what I want the reader to feel, to empathize with what Morgan is going through? So I went for it, and it’s taking the second act of the book in a completely different direction.

I think I can circle back to the original ending, sort of, but there’s going to be a new subtext and a dude-in-distress subplot that I hadn’t considered before. As you can imagine, this is going to mean that the fourth version of the outline will need considerable massaging, so that mythical first draft is still a little way down the path. The good news is that if I keep this pace up, we could be looking at the end of Version 3 by the end of this week. Then it’s back to plotting Elkmont.

Just goes to show the ripples that a change in direction can send across the surface of even a well-planned novel, to torture the hell out of the metaphor.

In other news, this weekend I’ll once again be playing for Extra Life, trying to raise money for St. Louis Children’s Hospital, though I have to admit to being an utter failure to this point. Not that I can blame anyone; if your autumn has been anything like ours, money is precious. But if you happen to be able to give, please consider doing so at this link. I will be livestreaming off-and-on during the day, depending on which system I’m using.

Finally made our way back east of the Mississippi river Saturday, to a town called Alton, Illinois. Picturesque little place, though it appears to be struggling like many other once-industrial cities in similar settings. I’ve included some pictures below, as I’m obviously never getting to those Friday photo posts again. If you happen to be in that neck of the woods, I highly recommend checking out Bluff City Grill. Fantastic comfort food, nice bar, and great atmosphere. We’ll definitely be going back.

Downtown Alton.

A Jacoby Art Center Halloween display.

More of the Halloween display. Spoopy with a chance of skeleton.

Finally feeling like Autumn out here.

This place rocks.

The Small Victories

Welcome back! I’m glad to report that you’re catching me on the upswing, which is a rare and beautiful thing this time of year (I’m usually starting that downward slide into the SAD doldrums right around now). Thankfully, I’m on the mend physically, mentally, and emotionally. The return to work has done me a world of good. I’d love to be that person who works better from home full-time, but I’ve learned that such excursions should be limited for my own mental well-being. For whatever reason, I prefer to work with the sound of other people around me, and some hustle and bustle. I suppose for the same reason that I prefer to work under some pressure – the imposed limitations push me. If ever I were lucky enough to become a full-time fiction writer, I would likely rent an office, or venture to the local coffee shop for work. I suppose that would be cheaper than rent.

Anyway, my point is that I’m doing better, and my brain ticked over at some point last week. I mean, I wrote over 18,000 words, a high point for this year. And this in the midst of taking on a new role at work and an increased workload as a coworker and friend transferred to another department. This week has been a little more difficult as I pick up the pieces, but I’ve found that each small victory bolstered my confidence and gave me what I needed. I think I’ll still hit 10K words this week, as I’m already sitting at the threshold. That was my old goal, and it would be nice to hit that consistently again now that I’m out from under a few shadows. The key is to make the time, and I think I’ve found a way to do it.

Enough of that talk. How about the actual writing? Once upon a time I had thought that the second draft outline of Soul Eater would be finished on Monday, but the job transition and related exhaustion changed those plans. The good news is that it was not a permanent change, and I finished that outline up yesterday. As always, the process surfaced some more ideas and issues with the approach. I know I went over some of this last week, but I feel okay digging into specifics now.

The original idea for this story revolved around a male millennial character who was a video game streamer and worked at the local gas station. His life was going nowhere, and he felt stuck living with his mother, who had moved them out of the city and into the exurbs to offer him a better life. Ethan proved to be a cypher, however; I could get into his surface emotions but had trouble digging deeper into his motivations. In addition to that, I figured out about halfway through the draft that I would need to shift perspectives from Ethan to Morgan, who Ethan pretty much knew as his best friend’s girl. And I learned that Morgan was easier to understand and presented more compelling options for the story. I finished that draft and chewed over the idea of shifting protagonists, as I always end up doing.

Shifting to Morgan has proven to be the right call, and I have made her friend Rosa far more important to the story than the original, while Ethan has receded to victim status. But this has brought a new set of complications: the story feels rushed, and a theme has surfaced that demands finesse. The good news is that the theme is crystal-clear, I just need to decide if I want to follow it to its logical end. I don’t know. If I don’t, I will need to do some more retooling. I’ve decided to let the story sit until next Friday while I chase the Elkmont dragon to its den in the mountains.

And what a den it’s turning out to be. It’s way too early to talk specifics, but this is the one that I mentioned last week that features a group of YouTube actors filming a lost town in the West Virginia mountains. A theme has already surfaced for this one, and I think it might be strong. I’ll have more to report next week on that front.

That’s all for this week. Look for more tomorrow, with the weekly photo post, and thanks for joining me again.

Don’t Call it a Comeback

Or do, if you wish. Either way, I’m happy to be back and among the productive. To tell the story of the last three years of my life would be a lesson in tedium, anxiety, and stress – the kind of caustic stuff that melts the creative impulse. I’m still not fully back on my feet, owing to a move to a new city and a new office, but almost as soon as we set foot on Missouri soil, the juices started flowing again. Memories flooded back; I remember what it felt like to create, to let my fingers dance over the keys and channel the words like some shaman. How nice it was to tap into the creative force underlying the universe, or whatever you want to call it.

In short, the last few years have sucked. We underwent what seemed to be a layoff (only to get my job back at the last moment), not one but two mergers, and an extended period of unease and uncertainty regarding relocation. Our – and I very much include my loving wife in this – lives seemed to be suspended in mid-air. At first I was able to write through this, push it aside and keep going, but as I watched friends exit at work and found myself increasingly isolated in an empty building, I had a hard time bringing my focus back to writing at the end of the day. All I wanted to do was go home and shut the world out, whether it be through reading, video games, or other pursuits.

In the end, a combination of factors brought the muse back to me. One, reading through Mark Frost’s A Secret History of Twin Peaks. It contains a lot of the conspiracy lore and mythos-building that drew me to writing my first few novels, and it reminded me of the promise of weaving my own reality within fiction. It also reminded me of the power of magick, and of seizing control of the reins of your life. It didn’t take long to start to feel the pull toward something new, a framework that helped me to put my chaotic thoughts into some semblance of order.

Then came, of course, the move. While he had relocation assistance and support, it’s hard to imagine a more “seize the day” act than packing up the car and moving across half the country to see if it will all work out.

I came to realize that I had become…well, passive is not the right word. We wanted to relocate from the moment either of the two mergers were announced. More that I had resigned myself to hunkering down and letting fate whip me where it would, so long as it ended with us out of the DC area (something that both of us very much wanted). And so I became less an author of my fate than a pawn at the hands of people with much larger agendas. At some point I lost sight of the fact that I had made this choice to wait and hand things over, and became depressed and resigned. That’s when my output dropped. I think I can pinpoint it to March or April of this year, somewhere in there, because there is a steady downward curve in my word count until July, when I barely wrote at all.

Now, though? I’m back, I think. I’m currently five pages short of finishing my “critique” of Came to Believe, at which point I’ll go back and make the suggested changes and try to hammer it out. Given the massive delays (we’re just about at year four of working on this thing and I want it out the door), I’m likely just going to self-publish it, but we’ll see how I feel when I get there. In the meantime, I’m plotting the antithesis of this story, a quick, pulpy horror novel that I think will be a blast to write.

In the meantime, I intend to check in with you guys more often. Thanks to those of you who are still with me. We’ll see where this ride goes next…

Status Update: Not Much to Update

Well, folks, I’ll own it: seasonal writers’ block is here. Much like Seasonal Affective Disorder, I suffer through a bit of a block around the end of October/beginning of November every year, like clockwork. In the past I relied on lots of light therapy to carry me through, but this year, for some reason, I thought I would be immune. I guess I was falling back on my output being so much higher this year?

Anyway, I was clearly wrong. I’m struggling.

Now keep in mind that my “struggling” still looks like 10,000 words a week, but I need more than that to get through Chapter 25 in anything resembling a timely fashion. I’m back on the light therapy, but I’m not sure how effective it will be over the next few days. So right now I don’t have too much to report past where I was the last time we talked about Chapter 25: working through the first draft. The good news is that it looks to be a relatively short chapter, but I don’t expect to get it finished until December. It sucks, but I’m trying to be patient with myself and not force things. We’ll see where it goes as I ramp up the light therapy. Until then…well, I’m just doing my best. See you Monday.

Update on the Marathon, Getting Back to Work, Fallout Cat

Hey all, had a decent weekend, managed 18 hours for the marathon (really getting too old for much more). Had some regular viewers and fun conversations on the chat and overall felt good about my participation. Will definitely do again next year, assuming the opportunity is still there. Want to thank all of the awesome people who contributed and made this a success. The money will help a lot of children.

In other news, feeling much, much better today and ready to get back to the work of writing. The illness will obviously affect timelines, but I’m not certain how much as of this writing. Hoping to get some time back over the Thanksgiving holiday, but we’ll see how that goes.

With the release of Fallout 4 just around the corner, enjoy Fallout cat.

FalloutCat

Part of the Big Plan

Hey all, yeah, I know, I haven’t updated in about a month, maybe a little over. Sorry about that. The last month has been a total and complete…well, morass would be the more PC term, but I think clusterfuck is more appropriate. Started off with a major work disappointment (though that one looks more like a blessing in disguise as days go on), then a busy schedule for a major release at work, then the dual whammy of a bad cold and a leg injury. As you can imagine, productivity took a dip. Last week was the worst, though; imagine a cold where you only develop the token symptoms of a runny nose and rusty voice but your brain is complete and total fuzz and you just want to sleep 23 hours a day. Then imagine trying to write through that mess. Yeah, didn’t happen so much. Not even work, where writing is a simple recitation of facts and analysis, was possible, let alone hard work where I dig into my emotions and experiences.

All in all, a rather unwelcome series of events, but it may have a silver lining, as I returned to the novel yesterday with a full force that I haven’t experienced in quite some time. Let’s catch up on the status, shall we? I think last time we talked I was nearing the finish line on Chapter 16 and had maybe started Chapter 17. Since then, I’ve finished the first draft of Chapter 17, split its two scenes into two separate chapters (as they were quite different in theme), and both embarked upon and finished the second draft of Chapter 17.

Yesterday was all about re-reading the chapter and identifying opportunities to expand upon the emotional textures and themes. I’m hoping to start that third draft today, but we’ll see. It’s going to be a busy day. I do expect this third draft to be the final version before critique review. Thank goodness this chapter didn’t turn into a morass like Chapter 16. That thing was a nightmare, but also much heavier on the emotional undertones. This is a Lindsay and Dean scene, and like all Lindsay and Dean scenes, something of a joy to write. They have a pretty complicated relationship, but damn if I don’t enjoy every moment that they’re together. Perhaps they’re destined for destruction in the long term, but their personalities work so well in the moment.

I’m hoping that Chapter 18 proves just as easy to write, as it’s a retooling of a scene in the first version of the novel wherein Dean goes to Lindsay’s place for the first time.  In the original version, this scene took place relatively early in the novel and followed their third date, which produced a certain level of sexual tension. In the new version they have never been on a date and it’s following the traumatic events of Chapters 15 and 16. In some ways, it’s actually far more intimate, as both characters have undergone recent traumas and developed a level of trust that didn’t exist at that point in the initial version, but at the same time they’re both very leery of sex. The anxieties and questions hanging between them are very different, but should be fun to work through.

Of course, all this focus on Chapters 17 and 18 meant a delay in the blog entries, and again I do apologize for that, but…I think it showed me what’s important. I’m not going to be writing the big entries like I was before, but I certainly can manage a few hundred words on current progress and where things are headed, if nothing else. Hope everyone has been okay?