The Madness of Ambition

Evening, all. Always a delight to sit down and share my thoughts with you. Some of you might have noticed something of a shift in tone on the blog lately, and to you I say: very perceptive! This site has been witness to several transformations in both tone and purpose over the 18 or so months that it’s existed, and I expect it will see a few more before its day is done.

See, the thing is, I was having trouble motivating myself to write here. Kind of funny when you consider that I’ve posted something like 25 posts in the last three weeks. I kept pushing myself to get those posts done and make sure you guys had something to read, but I had failed to account for something: a blog is essentially a form of dialogue, and in the rush of trying to bring a book to market and finishing a short story I had gotten mentally exhausted and put my emotional walls up. The site had become something of a monologue, rather than looking to you for inspiration and ideas.

In the process, I also erected a wall between Jonathan the person and Jonathan D Allen the author. This is unfortunate, as one of the main benefits of being an indie author is being able to present yourself as you are to the readers, without a middle man or a false layer of formality separating audience and creator. It’s something that I’ve valued in the past and something that needs to be resurrected on this site.

So here I am at the very beginning of the Room 3 release experience and I find myself…well, scared is not the right word. Frustrated might be a better word for it. The best metaphor I can think of for how I feel right now relates to my weight loss situation. Probably not a surprise to you, but I’ve been overweight pretty much all my life, to varying degrees (believe it or not I was an athlete once upon a time). Now, it turns out that my weight issue is likely related to my celiac disease, but much of my life has been defined by my battles with dieting and exercise.

One of the biggest things that has sabotaged my previous efforts has been a desire to do it all at once. For example, back in 2005-2007 I lost about 100 pounds, and by the end of that cycle I was working out twice a day and food monitoring had become something of an obsession. I had to get the weihgt off now or all would be lost. Now, we can debate methods all day (and my fault there was eating for weight loss and not good health), but I think we can agree that such an approach is destined for failure. Success is really only achieved through a slow, steady accumulation of good decisions. Continue reading

Getting Back Up Again

Hey readers, sorry for missing my post yesterday. I’m not sure if I’ve ever mentioned it on this blog before, but I’m gluten and casein intolerant. For those who aren’t familiar with those terms, it basically means that I can’t eat wheat products or dairy products because the fire up my immune system and my body essentially starts attacking itself.

To explain what it feels like for me to get dosed with casein, think of the last time you had the flu. Now, not the full-blown flu, but the day or two when you knew it was coming but had no way to stop it. It’s that sort of thing – achy and dizzy, with a head full of mucus.

Gluten – well, that’s a whole different ballgame. That makes me shake all over and makes it difficult to even speak.

Yeah, it’s not the most fun life, but at the same time I do feel like it’s turning my poor eating habits around, so a silver lining to everything, right?

Anyway, I tell you this because I missed yesterday’s post after getting a huge hidden dose of butter. Not an excuse, but I had trouble concentrating on much more than putting one foot in front of the other, and even that had some iffy moments. I’m still not 100% today, but it’s an improvement, and I’ll take it.

In the meantime, things are getting close on Room 3. I’m expecting the edits back tomorrow, and will be working double-time to get them as soon as I can. From there it’s straight on to release, and the print version is just about ready to go once they’re in.

Hang in there, things are about to get exciting. Just a little more…

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